Tribute

As I get older, I am beginning to realize that the celebrities I loved as a child are getting older, as well.  They won’t last forever.

I never really grasped the concept, as some of my favorite actors and singers passed away either before my time or before I became a fan.  The world lost Marilyn in 1962, well before my time.  A similar and equally devastating situation occurred the next year in Dallas when JFK was killed.  What must have been the crushing demise of Elvis happened when I was 2 years old.  The icons of my parents’ time have been slipping away for many years.

Now, it’s my turn to mourn the death of certain people whom I may not have known, but nevertheless loved fiercely.  I regret I did not know any of them personally.

David Bowie – January 11

What a strange cat this guy was.  However, any child of the ’80s knows his smooth, deep, voice, weird lyrics, and interesting look.  By the ’80s, he had toned down the appearance some, but still had time to make some unintentionally (I think) homoerotic music like his duet with Mick Jagger, “Dancing in the Street”.  I choose to remember him for “China Girl” and “Space Oddity”, but there’s no disputing that at least he’ll be remembered.

Alan Rickman – January 14

Oh, Mr. Rickman, you had no shortage of roles that made excellent movies even better. Hans Gruber.  Severus Snape.  Harry in Love Actually.  The Metatron in Dogma.   Alexander Dane in Galaxy Quest.  He played many kinds of characters, most having some type of attitude problem.

The beauty of Alan Rickman can be found in any of his roles, but most of us became acquainted with him in Die Hard (pictured). He could pull off the most intelligent dialogue with his typically snarky British accent, then give a smile and get whatever he wanted.  That is, when he wasn’t falling off of buildings.  RIP, Mr. Rickman.

George Gaynes – February 15

You may not know him by name, but you certainly know him by face.  As Commandant Lassard in the Police Academy series, everyone knew and loved George Gaynes.  In addition, since I had a spectacular enduring crush on Punky Brewster, the fact that he played her adoptive father added to his personal appeal.

Unlike some of the other names on this list we may feel were taken from us too soon, Mr. Gaynes passed away at age 98.  RIP, Commandant.

Prince – April 21

Before he was the Androgynous One or The Symbol, Prince was a stud. His voice was sultry, his lyrics were naughty, and his dancing was provocative.  All good things for a pre-teen trying to figure all that stuff out.

Of course, Purple Rain was an emotional and memorable movie, but his music was the key to his fame. Think of your 5 favorite Prince songs, and I bet not only will you be disappointed to leave some songs off your list, but you’ll have a situation or person in mind when the song comes on the radio.  For me, the video for “Kiss” was one of the hottest videos I had ever seen. Hilary Swank singing “Gett Off” in P.S. I Love You was smoking, and I can recall how shocked I was when I learned the lyrics to “My Darling Nikki”.  Unfortunately, at age 57, I don’t think he was done yet.  Thanks, Mr. Nelson.

David Huddleston – August 2

As a kid, one of my favorite Christmas movies was the 1985 classic Santa Claus: The Movie. Anyone who plays a legitimate Santa Claus (so, not Billy Bob Thornton) has to have a special characteristic to inspire hope, love, and giving.  Huddleston’s Santa was very special to me then, and it still is.  Many Christmas movies these days are comedies (or Die Hard), so it takes a spectacular movie to be so memorable as a fantasy.

Huddleston had been around for a long time before this movie, and played in many movies afterward.  If you’ve never seen his Santa Claus, perhaps you know him as the wheelchair-bound Jeffrey Lebowski, as known as The Big Lebowski.  Not to be confused with “The Dude”. Finding out much later this was the same guy as Santa Claus actually fractured my brain, I believe.  So regardless of how you know him, he will be remembered.

Gene Wilder – August 29

Born Jerome Silberman in 1933 (in my home state of Wisconsin, by the way), the boy who grew to become Gene Wilder primarily became an actor because he was tasked to keep his mother happy after she took ill in 1941.

Thirty years later, Gene was offered a role that became arguably his most famous – Willy Wonka.  Although he starred in other popular early movies like Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, I happened to enjoy his later films, such as Haunted Honeymoon and See No Evil, Hear No Evil.  As his screen career tapered off, he appeared on a few TV shows, and eventually retired in favor of artistic endeavors and philanthropic pursuits.  Thank you for your Pure Imagination, Mr. Wonka.

George Michael – December 25

I’m not sure how this man reinvented himself from this:

To this:

In just a couple of years, George Michael went from a silly bubble gum pop singer to a breathy, grunting semi-sex god whose ass populated roughly 96% of his music videos. Despite rumors flying around, chicks loved him.  He helped make the ’80s music scene what it was; since I’m a huge ’80s music fan, I’m a fan of his.

In the days after his passing, several different charities and organizations felt the need to let the public know what kind of guy he really was, despite some of his run-ins with the law.  As it turns out, he secretly donated millions and a serious amount of time to plenty of worthwhile causes.  Kudos, George.

Carrie Fisher – December 27

Her mother was Debbie Reynolds (who passed away hours after this article was written); her stepmother was Liz Taylor.  It seems inevitable that Carrie would become an actress.  At the age of 20, she would become as famous to her generation as Debbie and Liz were to theirs by starring in a little flick called Star Wars.  

Over the years, she would go on to act in plenty of other shows and movies, most of which you would exclaim “Whoa…isn’t that Princess Leia?” when she showed up onscreen. Many actors have lamented that once you’ve played a character so iconic, you may not be known as anything else.  However, a role that large often cements your place in the hearts of many.  As a result, Carrie Fisher will truly be missed by many, including me.

***

Honorable mention to these celebrities whom I enjoyed for a specific role or a great story, even if they were not favorites of mine with lasting impressions:

• Garry Shandling
• Joey Feek, country singer of Joey + Rory fame
• Nancy Reagan
• Merle Haggard
• Doris Roberts, from Everybody Loves Raymond and Grandma’s Boy
• Muhammad Ali
• Alexis Arquette, who played George in The Wedding Singer
• Jose Fernandez, Florida Marlins pitcher
• Florence Henderson
• Alan Thicke

If one of your favorite celebrities passed away this year, I apologize for the loss you feel.  If he or she is not mentioned in this article, that celebrity didn’t leave much of a mark on my life, but you may have a different story to tell.  If so, feel free to share it with me.

Thanks for reading!  I appreciate your time, and encourage your feedback.  Perhaps I’ll hear from you soon.

You’re Gonna Crack…Severely

According to multiple sources, adults make an estimated 35,000 conscious decisions every day.  There are certain situations into which we put ourselves that increase that number more quickly than others.  For example, how many decisions do you make while driving?  Some of them can be pretty important; figuring out when to change the station may not be, but how about when to hit the gas to catch a tight space in traffic?  How many decisions do you make at the mall?  At the grocery store?  At work?  While writing an article about decisions?

Kathleen Vohs, a marketing professor at the University of Minnesota, conducted some experiments a few years back about the consequences of decision-making on our self-control, focus, and cognitive ability.  She concluded that making conscious decisions increases your chances of being a weak, blubbering idiot almost directly after.

Yes, I know, that’s a simplistic conclusion.  However, the study showed some interesting tidbits during the research.  Some of the finer points:

• Even making fun choices, such as which movie to enjoy, were taxing to the frontal cortex, albeit less so than tough decisions.
• Making constant decisions decreases your willpower and makes it harder to ward off temptation and meet goals.
• Coerced choices (situations in which you had to make a choice) are more likely to fry your noggin than those times where the idea to choose was yours.

How does this affect you?  Actually, it may change your life!  OK, that may be taking it a little far with the hyperbole, but the research may raise some issues regarding how you spend your day.

DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DECIDE?

Perhaps you don’t care what you have for lunch at the restaurant, or which caffeinated beverage you want at Dutch Brothers, or which color to paint the kitchen.  In these cases, remove yourself from the process and delegate the decision to someone else.  Ask the waitress or barista what she likes to eat and have it.  Tell your spouse he or she can pick their favorite color for the kitchen.  Delegate to someone that either has more stake in the outcome or gets paid to do it.  The less decisions you make, the less pressure on your brain.

MY WILLPOWER SUCKS ALREADY…WHAT DO I DO?

Yeah, mine too.  I often tell the story of how I have declined to go to classes in college only because when I got to the parking lot, I couldn’t find a spot.  If willpower had a score, mine would probably be negative; most people have an erosion of their brick wall and eventually give in.  My brain shoves me violently into temptation.

The best idea if you don’t want to crush your diet or pick up the cigs is to give yourself less choices.  Generally, lead a simpler life with regard to decisions, because the more you make, the more you wear down and ending up eating or smoking, then crying yourself to sleep.

In addition, keep the conscious choices regarding your goals to a minimum.  Have your meal plan specifically set up to avoid having to choose what to eat for dinner.  Plan out your evening drive home so you don’t stop at the convenience store for snacks or cigs.  Create your schedule for the evening earlier in the day (or the night before) to eliminate boredom, requiring choices and decisions about what to do.  Less decisions means a brain that is less weary.

TOO LATE.  MY DAY SUCKED AND I HAD TO FIX SHIT EVERY OTHER MINUTE.

You made lots of decisions today – coerced decisions – and your frontal cortex is at DefCon 4.  One more decision and this is you:

Richard Ryan, a clinical psychologist at the University of Rochester in New York, has a suggestion.  According to him, making choices to fulfill psychological needs will add a little energy back to the brain.  Like what, you ask?

Remember that dude Maslow you learned about in Intro to Psych?  Never thought you’d see him again, huh?  Sorry…diagrams comin’ at ya.

Maslow said that as long as you have fulfilled your physiological needs, you can start working up the pyramid.  Providing you’re not about to get killed or fired or mugged, the next step is love and belonging.  If your brain is screaming “REDRUM” at you, let the next choice you make involve this level.

Talk to a friend.  Hug your kids.  Have some sex.  You’ll probably find that the decision to do any of those things will be the easiest decision of your day.  When the…act…is done, you’ll more likely feel a little calmer, a little stronger in mind, and a bit more ready to take on the next challenge…who to call because your sink exploded.  Hey, I never said it was a miracle cure to avoid shit happening.

OTHER IDEAS TO CONSIDER

Since the research shows that making decisions affects your brain both immediately and throughout the day, recognize how that might play out for you.

***If you work a night job, realize that having a day full of complicated decisions will affect your ability to do your work.  Be sure to spend your time prior to work in a more calming environment, or at least have sex or something.

***Don’t wait to lean on friends and family until you’ve already flamed out.  They won’t like that, trust me.  And you’re certainly not going to get higher on Maslow’s pyramid while you’re sapped from a long day.

As such, start early and pepper your day with high-level thoughts and activities.  I’m not talking about doing Stuart Smalley’s Affirmations on your lunch break.  What you can do, though, is start the day with good family time.  Call your wife or write in your journal on lunch.  Take 5-10 minutes in the afternoon to do something positive; compliment someone, spread some good cheer.  All this is designed to build you back up when the world is beating you down.

***Recognize the difference between caring and controlling.  I mentioned it before; you can care about what color the kitchen is, but you don’t have to control the situation.  Allowing others to choose shows respect.

So here’s the simple solution when a situation has multiple acceptable outcomes. When speaking to the person you would like to make the decision, give him or her a set of options that appeal to you, and allow them to choose.  If it’s your wife choosing, she’ll probably choose something not on your list anyway.  Regardless, you offered input, and you didn’t have to choose.  You expressed that you cared, but you didn’t have to control the outcome.  Your wife will think you’re awesome, and you’ve saved your cortex for other issues.

I hope this helps relieve a little stress.  If you dug this article, share it with someone that needs it.  And now that you’ve discovered a new spectacular author with insight like a friggin’ Oracle inspired by God, check out my other stuff at brianumbaugh9.wordpress.com.  Thanks for reading!

Learning From the Past or Living In It?

“With confidence in our armed forces—with the unbounding determination of our people—we will gain the inevitable triumph, so help us God.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt, address given at the U.S. Capitol in response to the Pearl Harbor bombing.

Yesterday was the 75th anniversary of the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor that facilitated our entry into World War II.  The next day, President Roosevelt stood before Congress and declared that the United States was about to get into a war it would indeed end up winning.

At that same time, perhaps the same hour, Emperor Hirohito and the Japanese Navy Commander Yamamoto may have been celebrating their tactical victory, confident that their plan to dissuade the United States from meddling in their Indies takeover and reduce the imposed economic sanctions was in full swing.  They may have been equally confident that those plans would result in victory.

History has shown who was right.  However, the decisions made by Japan prior to Pearl Harbor and by the United States after that day were based on some flawed assumptions by the initial aggressors.

Japan was basing their plan on information gathered from experience and expectations of the past.  If they had anticipated the future use of aircraft carriers and submarines, or perhaps properly estimated the value of Pearl Harbor’s repair yards, oil depots, and intellectual capital, the United States would have been finished.

Of course, the events of World War II were complex, even just those from the Pacific arena; they cannot be simplified entirely down to one set of mistaken Japanese assumptions. However, one major pitfall found in how people make decisions is on display.  This same stumbling block not only affected other military conflicts, but also the day-to-day decisions made by regular cats like you and me.

The problem lies in the motivation behind your plan setting and decision making.  Japan was basing decisions on the past; the United States was basing most of theirs on the future.  How about you?

It’s extraordinarily easy to base decisions and plans too heavily on your past experience.  If you have a job that doesn’t make much money, you may look for a new job that makes significantly more.  That sounds good, doesn’t it?  It’s great, but not at the expense of other important employment needs.  If you break up with your blonde girlfriend, you may search for a brunette next time…but ignore the warning flag that should result from the fact she has no sense of humor.

When all you have is a starting point, you can’t draw a straight line without a destination dot.  When you’re driving to a place and the directions aren’t clear, it doesn’t help when you’re driving in the fog without a map.  If you’re only running from the past, you’re looking behind and you could end up anywhere.  Whatever your metaphor, it is important when making essential decisions that you focus on what you want your future to be.

Have you thought about it specifically?  What do you want out of your life?  Regardless of where you are right now, if you could spell out what you want out of your job, your relationship, your living situation, what would it look like?

Whatever it is, you don’t have to get there today; that’s the roadblock most people create for themselves.  You just have to walk toward it.  You can run if you want to, but at least start walking.  The destination may change, but stay on the shortest road.  People will want you to veer off the road so you can push them along their own.  Other circumstances will create some ice that endangers your ability to walk quickly.  Just keep walking.

And remember…as you’re walking along to that future, let your past experience illuminate the road, not cloud it.  Good luck.

Thanks for reading!  You’re helping me walk my own road by reading this and sharing it with others, however you can.  Also, if you’re new to reading the blog, check out the older articles.  There might be something you find that kicks some ass.  Say hello on Facebook if you’re feeling outgoing! Thanks again.

 

 

 

Flammable When Embarrassed

“The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.”  – Douglas Engelbart

Douglas Engelbart was an early computer and internet pioneer.  There are things we are familiar with and use because this guy made them possible, like the computer mouse, “http”, and computer networks. Besides the above quote, he is also responsible for Engelbart’s Law, stating that the intrinsic value of human performance is exponential; in other words, we will always get better at getting better.

I thought as I was getting older, I was getting wiser.  I’ve learned so many things through the course of life, and I feel like I understand much of what comes my way.  However, this quote about your embarrassment threshold proves that at least on one level, I have failed to mature in a major way.

There are many ways in which a normal person gets embarrassed where I do not.  Stuff happens to me all the time and I don’t worry too much.  For example:

I could walk around all day with my zipper down and think nothing of it.

 

 

 

 

I could get caught singing to Debbie Gibson at a stoplight by a good looking girl.

 

 

 

I could accidentally spit on someone’s face when talking to them.

 

I’ve actually had those things happen. Most minor embarrassments don’t bother me because I’ve learned that a derisive stare from a stranger means a whole lot of jack squat. However, none of those situations involve screwing up something simple.  Screwing up happens to everyone, but when I mess up something simple and I’m made to feel stupid, I get rather…

I imagine this scene from Pulp Fiction sums it up best (if you know the movie, you know it’s NSFW.  It’s got a bit o’ language.)  Vincent (John Travolta) screws up while transporting a gentleman in the back of a car driven by Jules (Samuel L. Jackson).  By screwing up, I mean he accidentally shot the gentleman in the face, and now the two of them are “on brain detail.”  Vincent takes offense at Jules’s verbal abuse about the issue:

I strongly identify with these guys.  If you know me and have seen this movie, you probably understand.  Their clever dialogue is like mine, their humor is like mine, and their propensity for rage when belittled is certainly like mine.

Yesterday, I grabbed the wrong clothes for Cali off her bed and got irritated when Melissa made the tiniest comment.  Last month playing disc golf, I couldn’t throw my disc over the face of a cliff as I’d wanted, but that happens.  When I got up over it and near the hole, I threw the disc past the hole the other way…and back down the cliff side.  I had plenty of choice words there.  Around Christmas a few years ago, I broke the hell out of our wrapping container because I couldn’t open it and forced it open.  It turns out I was trying to open the wrong side.  I get embarrassed, then frustrated, and I turn into this:

The worst thing I can do, though, hasn’t changed since I was a little kid.  I HATE TO GET LOST.  I hate it, despise it, loathe it, detest it, and a bunch of other not so nice words. As a delivery driver, I’ve been lost plenty of times, but at no point did I handle them gracefully. I remember riding my bike as a youth, desperately trying to recognize the right roads, gnashing my teeth and setting the tone for my future blood pressure issues.

It never gets any easier; in fact, in some ways it’s even worse to get lost now because I use GPS like a blind man uses a cane or a dog. Should I even get lost anymore?  It’s ridiculous, and when it happens I feel stupid.  At least one part is better…a woman’s voice saying “recalculating” is not an irritant to me, but rather a relief.  Yes, please, recalculate the route and get me the hell out of here, because I’m helpless to do it myself.

This is why my wife drives.  She drives like Steve McQueen, but she’s got a natural navigation system in her mind that rivals a friggin’ vampire bat.  She’s seen me get lost, and she knows that no matter what the driving conditions, it is always a better idea for her to drive.  At least she knows we’ll get there if she’s behind the wheel.

Just own it, I guess.  Try to improve.  Breathe.  Do yoga.  See the Dalai Lama about it.  Get some pills or injections.  For someone so keen on personal development, I’m embarrassed to say that after all these years, I still get pissed first and apologize later.  It’s my Achilles heel, my kryptonite, and my silver bullet all rolled into one nasty killer.

Sorry, Mr. Engelbart.  I get embarrassed easily when I do stupid things, and I’m not very mature about it.  However, according to Engelbart’s own law, I’ll keep getting better at getting better.  Whatever your issue is, just make a promise to yourself to do the same.

Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoyed this.  If you did, feel free to share it with your 1287 friends on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, or print it, put it in a bottle, and throw it into the ocean.  Whatever the case, thanks for getting the word out that I’m awesome…as long as I’m not doing something stupid.  Thanks again!

Advice for Myself as a Kid

You got so much up ahead
You’ll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I’d end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near
The best years of your life…

Brad Paisley, “Letter to Me”, 2007

I love the idea of this song. To be able to send some words of wisdom back to my younger self might have changed the course of my own personal history, and that of many others. Of course, that implies I would have taken the advice, which I wasn’t always prone to do.

Brad Paisley spends a lot of time talking about the outcome of the stressors of high school life, as his younger self struggles with a broken heart, education, and family. He also gives a bit of advice about acquiring certain skills while you have more of your life to practice them. If I was writing to myself at that age, I might have added something about not eating so much pizza.

So what do you write to a 9 year old that hasn’t lived much of a life yet?  My thought processes didn’t mature very early, I wasn’t interested in girls yet, and I wasn’t about to get enveloped by a non-existent turbulent childhood. Regardless, I have a few thoughts for my younger self, so my letter might look something like this:

Dear 9 year old Brian,

This letter will find you in 3rd grade at Decorah Elementary School in West Bend, WI.  You made it through a difficult year last year; your parents split up and you moved to a new town.  If you get a chance, thank your 2nd grade teacher Mr. Tom for being such a great guy and helping you.  That game he taught you, the dice baseball game?  Keep playing it, even though you know the statistics don’t work out like real baseball.  You figuring out those statistics by hand will help you quite a bit in your lifetime, and I know you love it.

He also showed you how to write, and I know you love that too.  You’re using it in 3rd grade right now to create stories in exchange for candy, but eventually you will write all sorts of things just for the joy of it.  Knowing how to write will make things easier, and it will make you happy.

There are some things I’d like you to think about as you grow up.  First of all, I know your family life is difficult.  You know your brothers and sisters don’t really like you all that much, and you won’t see much of your dad for several years, even if you will see a lot more of him in the future.  However, your mom really loves you.  She works hard to try and give you what you need, and she still goes to your baseball games and activities.  Give her a break a little more often.  Eventually, your brother Mike will like you a little more, and as everyone grows up, all the bad attitudes will smooth out.  You get angry easily.  You get frustrated.  Just know that you control you.  Keep that chin up when family or “friends” try to make you feel bad about yourself.  Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Also, you know you’re a little short, and you’re getting a little chubby.  It’s OK, it’s kind of a hand-me-down family body shape.  But you can certainly make things easier on yourself if you learn how to run.  Get out and run more.  It will help you be better at baseball, better at football, and better at fitting into your clothes.  Your mom can’t always afford good clothes, but you will look and feel a lot better once you’re not shopping in the “husky kids” section.  Maybe if you do this now, you won’t have so much trouble doing it later.  You’re athletic, but being able to run means more than you know.

While you are still a kid, you may not think much about what you want to do for a job someday.  I know you always had a few things that sounded fun, like teaching and being a baseball player.  At some point, you will discover that being a teacher doesn’t make a lot of money, but give it some real thought.  Teaching will take the best parts of you – the emotions, the smarts, the love of pens and paper – and help other kids discover that they, too, can have fun learning, just like you.  I know you want to make some good money someday because you get disappointed when others have more than you.  Take it from me; chasing money causes you to do things you regret.  Be smart with your money, avoid borrowing, and for the love of your future, work harder on getting college scholarships.  You may not worry about this yet, but it’s only another couple of years before it will mean a lot.

I know you think about your future sometimes, but can’t quite get a grasp on such a big idea yet.  Career, money, friends and (soon) love will all happen.  What’s important is what you make of you. You’re afraid to fail, I know it.  You’re afraid that the little attention you get will disappear if you aren’t perfect.  Let me tell you, not everyone will like you, but it’s important that YOU like you. The best way to do that is to try a good number of things.  Try to play the guitar.  Try to learn Spanish (and stick with it.)   Try to eat well and take care of your body.   You’ve learned a little about your Commodore 64; computers will get better and better, so learn as much as you can. Open your eyes to the best things of the your world, because I know you naturally want to keep to yourself.   Remember to be OK with being yourself, no matter what anyone else says, but being yourself has always meant learning.  Learn how to do as many different things as you can while you’re a kid.  The older you get, the less time you have and the more stone-hearted you get. You can be anyone you want, and you can love anyone you want.  You will regret not spending time with people and doing things you love doing.  Love the people who love you, and don’t spend much time trying to change the minds of people that don’t.

One last note: your mom sees that you might be a little lonely and needs a male role model.  This is true, so spend a little more time with your favorite grown-ups.  Play catch with Mr. Tom.  Spend some time at the church youth group with Pastor Quast.  Your baseball coach, Mr. Miller, is a great guy.  Just avoid the Big Brothers program.  It doesn’t work out for you.

Take care of yourself, kid.  You’ll turn out all right.

Brian (at age 41!)